Can Purell be used as lube?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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