I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
