I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
