i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
