you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
