I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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