Do vagina's smell?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize