dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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