it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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