After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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