it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
