what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am one with the molecules
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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