its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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