Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
