that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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