Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
