Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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