I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
