Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
