I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
