yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
