he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
how drunk are you?
Several
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