I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize