the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
