life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
