We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
