she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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