I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
