just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
