some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
