Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
