i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize