I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
