now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
