I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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