So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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