According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
40s are totally the cure
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
