Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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