So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
