Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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