my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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