Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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