I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
