i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You've changed since you got that strap on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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