Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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