When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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