UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
