can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
