Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
