i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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