1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
