is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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