Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
