woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
