finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
