If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
