You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
