The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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