He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
