I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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