please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
