You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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