I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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