U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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