She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
