its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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